I have a wonderful job that allows me to listen to audiobooks, on most days, all day long. It's great. I don't have to bother with all that page turning and sight reading. I have to be selective about what kind of books I listen to, since I am actually doing my job while listening to them. Nothing too heady or wordy... nothing that might make me think enough about something to distract me from the caulk I am probably laying on.
There is a specific genre that I have discovered to be the most enjoyable while still being the least thought provoking - Non-Gay Fantasy. It is a sub genre of the mostly gay genre Fantasy, which for some odd reason is often linked to the Science Fiction genre. Maybe some people look at a Dragon and think 'Hyper-Space Transportation'. No they don't. It's retarded, don't ask me.
Anyway, Non-Gay Fantasy has a few rules. First off, no fucking elves please. Actually any race of sentient yet somehow non-humans can get the fuck out right now. But Elves are especially gay, so they leave first. Second, magic is a cop out you are not allowed to use regularly. I don't mind the Deus Ex 'oh by the way I am magic and everything is alright now' magic. I mean the 'Let me just levitate to this platform so that I can use my heat vision to know where to send this telepathic missle' kind of magic. These two rules alone rule out every R.A. Salvatore novel ever. Sorry guy, I bet you are awesome at D&D, but your gay fantasy does not interest me.
Thirdly, I need a story about a guy with a sword (or two, maybe an ax) who uses it to kill people who... well I don't really care who, just kills people. It could be people trying to kill/rob him, someone who is doing evil, people wearing red hats, I don't care, as long as there is a man with a sword (or two) or an axe or a fucking garrote wire killing people. This is the simplest rule.
The grandest example of this type of book is anything by my new favorite author, the legendary David Gemmell. The first book I read of his was The Swords of Night and Day, and while it is an awesome book, I do not suggest using it to jump into the world of Non-Gay Fantasy, because it is a sequel. Not only it is a sequel of one book, called White Wolf, even that is based on material from about 9 previous books, so ... yeah read those first.
Either way Mr. Gemmell writes amazing Non-Gay Fantasy about bad ass motherfuckers with swords and axes and killing people. You should check it out.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
In wish windows would stop updating
I think that Microsoft has found a way to combat the instability of it's operating system. They figure that if you leave your computer stays on long enough, it will eventually crash. To combat this, totally useless updates are made 'ready' for your computer. This will force you to reboot your computer on a regular basis, and as we all know, a good old fashioned reboot will solve every problem.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Moving on Up
Or down, it's hard to tell. I am officially moving all of my blogging to the blogspot here. For many reasons, but two stand out.
1. It's slick, and it works. I don't have to fiddle with anything and bam I have a working blog. No installing scripts or add-ons or mods. No opera-wordpress-TinyMCE arguments over what doesn't work and where. Someone spent a lot of time making this all work, and it wasn't me. I am thankfull for that.
2. Free. I am paying 11 bucks a month for a dreamhost account, and guess what? I am not using .01% of it. Fuck that.
All in all I am looking forward to actually blogging and not worrying about any of the details.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Fantasy Book Report
A few months ago, I was aching to read a good fantasy novel. A Song of Fire and Ice is never going to be finished (and the last book wasn’t nearly as good as the first three), and I was tired of pretending I knew what was going on in ‘Lord of the Isles’ by David Drake.
After reading recommendations from the internet, I decided to read ‘The Dragonbone Chair’, book one of the Memory, Sorrow and Thorn series by Tad Williams.
I had to give this one up. I really wanted it to be good, really. It was terrible. It’s your basic fantasy novel, scullery boy goes off on an adventure blah blah, but it’s got a terrible case of nobody talks like that!.
The final straw was when the boy left the castle through the secret tunnel, like 10 minutes after the king’s brother and NEVER CATCHES UP TO HIM. He then has to journey to some far (and by far I mean you read about every fucking step) away city with a hobbit, except he’s not called a hobbit, he’s called a troll, but really he is a hobbit, the most annoying hobbit ever.
If you are ever searching for a good fantasy novel to read, please for the love of god skip this one. However, I can recommend a series for you, the series I found after that disappointing book.
The Belgariad by David Eddings.
This series is what a fantasy series should be, to me anyway. It has it’s failings of course and it’s not perfect but damn do the pros outweigh the cons.
Cons first. These books are not very ‘original’. Of course that means it follows a fairly typical fantasy novel plot. Don’t let that discourage you. Keep in mind that this series was published between 1982 and 1985, so it wasn’t typical at the time. Most readers are familiar with the plot from books written after that and will think it is derivative, but it was really the archetype.
That’s the only con I got.
Pros. (lol prose) These books are funny. David Eddings writes a full cast of one dimensional characters who talk like real people on their adventures. I laughed out loud at several parts. Also, no absurd limits on magic. There is a real effort in the fantasy writing community to make magic less that what we think it should be. I blame Orson Scott Card for this.
Also, it’s finished. You can read the entire series and know how it ends, right now! That is an awesome feeling that Robert Jordan fans have been denied. In addition, there is a sequel series! Five more books taking the main characters on another adventure and it’s finished too! I’m not done reading that one, but it’s pretty much the same as the first, in a good way. So far it reads like one awesome 10 book series that is enjoyable.
After reading recommendations from the internet, I decided to read ‘The Dragonbone Chair’, book one of the Memory, Sorrow and Thorn series by Tad Williams.
I had to give this one up. I really wanted it to be good, really. It was terrible. It’s your basic fantasy novel, scullery boy goes off on an adventure blah blah, but it’s got a terrible case of nobody talks like that!.
The final straw was when the boy left the castle through the secret tunnel, like 10 minutes after the king’s brother and NEVER CATCHES UP TO HIM. He then has to journey to some far (and by far I mean you read about every fucking step) away city with a hobbit, except he’s not called a hobbit, he’s called a troll, but really he is a hobbit, the most annoying hobbit ever.
If you are ever searching for a good fantasy novel to read, please for the love of god skip this one. However, I can recommend a series for you, the series I found after that disappointing book.
The Belgariad by David Eddings.
This series is what a fantasy series should be, to me anyway. It has it’s failings of course and it’s not perfect but damn do the pros outweigh the cons.
Cons first. These books are not very ‘original’. Of course that means it follows a fairly typical fantasy novel plot. Don’t let that discourage you. Keep in mind that this series was published between 1982 and 1985, so it wasn’t typical at the time. Most readers are familiar with the plot from books written after that and will think it is derivative, but it was really the archetype.
That’s the only con I got.
Pros. (lol prose) These books are funny. David Eddings writes a full cast of one dimensional characters who talk like real people on their adventures. I laughed out loud at several parts. Also, no absurd limits on magic. There is a real effort in the fantasy writing community to make magic less that what we think it should be. I blame Orson Scott Card for this.
Also, it’s finished. You can read the entire series and know how it ends, right now! That is an awesome feeling that Robert Jordan fans have been denied. In addition, there is a sequel series! Five more books taking the main characters on another adventure and it’s finished too! I’m not done reading that one, but it’s pretty much the same as the first, in a good way. So far it reads like one awesome 10 book series that is enjoyable.
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