Fantasy Book Report II - David Gemmell Version

I have a wonderful job that allows me to listen to audiobooks, on most days, all day long. It's great. I don't have to bother with all that page turning and sight reading. I have to be selective about what kind of books I listen to, since I am actually doing my job while listening to them. Nothing too heady or wordy... nothing that might make me think enough about something to distract me from the caulk I am probably laying on.

There is a specific genre that I have discovered to be the most enjoyable while still being the least thought provoking - Non-Gay Fantasy. It is a sub genre of the mostly gay genre Fantasy, which for some odd reason is often linked to the Science Fiction genre. Maybe some people look at a Dragon and think 'Hyper-Space Transportation'. No they don't. It's retarded, don't ask me.

Anyway, Non-Gay Fantasy has a few rules. First off, no fucking elves please. Actually any race of sentient yet somehow non-humans can get the fuck out right now. But Elves are especially gay, so they leave first. Second, magic is a cop out you are not allowed to use regularly. I don't mind the Deus Ex 'oh by the way I am magic and everything is alright now' magic. I mean the 'Let me just levitate to this platform so that I can use my heat vision to know where to send this telepathic missle' kind of magic. These two rules alone rule out every R.A. Salvatore novel ever. Sorry guy, I bet you are awesome at D&D, but your gay fantasy does not interest me.

Thirdly, I need a story about a guy with a sword (or two, maybe an ax) who uses it to kill people who... well I don't really care who, just kills people. It could be people trying to kill/rob him, someone who is doing evil, people wearing red hats, I don't care, as long as there is a man with a sword (or two) or an axe or a fucking garrote wire killing people. This is the simplest rule.

The grandest example of this type of book is anything by my new favorite author, the legendary David Gemmell. The first book I read of his was The Swords of Night and Day, and while it is an awesome book, I do not suggest using it to jump into the world of Non-Gay Fantasy, because it is a sequel. Not only it is a sequel of one book, called White Wolf, even that is based on material from about 9 previous books, so ... yeah read those first.

Either way Mr. Gemmell writes amazing Non-Gay Fantasy about bad ass motherfuckers with swords and axes and killing people. You should check it out.

In wish windows would stop updating

I think that Microsoft has found a way to combat the instability of it's operating system. They figure that if you leave your computer stays on long enough, it will eventually crash. To combat this, totally useless updates are made 'ready' for your computer. This will force you to reboot your computer on a regular basis, and as we all know, a good old fashioned reboot will solve every problem.